Memento

A bed groans with agony as the deadweight lands on its humble mattress after a battle with time why is this happening to me it all seems one thing after another no ending no rest not even sleeping is rest rather another block of time to ponder nothing or not even nothing is pondered pondering nothing is pondering something which is'nt nothing and I come back from a joyful weekend and it is shattered it drops onto the floor actually down the fricking drain and I wish I could tell you to shut up shut the freak up and "take it to God" you walking contradiction take what...In this world of confusion where nothing is really confused He provides help to those who stumble always testing you to take it for granted always challenging you to appreciate the help more than the helper and when you least expect it once again you are asked to rely on the helper but you ask yourself why try to rely on the helper when He will provide help soon enough but soon enough is never soon enough and when soon enough comes its arrival is almost too late resulting in a desperate cling to help only to have it taken away for want of appreciation or for lack of due appreciation I swear it was neither it was neither it was neither yet where did it flee I cannot find it the hell with your desire for "right" you don't even know right where is your help when disdain is the answer to what He gives you...Maybe tonight will result in the rest a human body necessarily requires or so it compels you to think that the future will hold better days go and pass and every one gone by is another that control disappears from and gives way to letting yourself go I don't want to go as for me it's nothing new I have some answers now I understand this now patience is a damn good virtue I just need to close my eyes and don't worry I forgive you I tried so so hard times require desperate measures I just need to close my eyes but it all went down the fricking drain