An Email

This is an email that I sent out to my professor. She wanted to know what my top 5 books and movies were. She just said she wondered what kind of entertainment a crazy kid like me enjoys. I wrote some of the craziest papers for this professor, let me tell you...

Hello Professor Chua,

This is Chuck. I remembered while I was reading a book at Starbucks the other day that I never sent you a list of my top 5 books and movies. So here goes...and just for your information I do like theological material, but I mean, as far as the idea "I freakin' love this book" is concerned, unless your talking about the Bible I have decided that it is contrived. The Bible is hard enough to be excited about. You can't tell me that you are loving to death something like "The Life and Times of John Murray" like you would a great coffee drinking novel. Not that they can't be great, but it is different then Coffeehouse Lit. as I like to call it.
These are the books that have changed my life in one way or another in no really particular order, sort of but not really-
1. The Perks of Being A Wallflower by Stephen Chbosky (for its different take on life through the eyes of Charlie, yet still important themes, surprise ending, and the way it looms on with such a dark foreboding chill.)
2. Thank You For Smoking by Christopher Buckley (pure biting wit and satire on lobbyists and propoganda and a cleverness and fun that I have yet to discover in another book. Great One-liners too. Almost a modern day Pride and Prejudice, which would have been up here but EVERYONE likes that book)
3. The Fountainhead by Ayn Rand (I have never read a book where every conversation, dialogue, or description could be put on quotes.com and remembered for the rest of time. I got involved with every character...hated some loved others...and I learned alot about her philosophy. What it means to be "selfless" in her understanding and how that is actually "selfish", and then vice-versa. Greatest non-Christian "Christian" writer of the 20th Century in my opinion. I could spend hours dwelling on multitudes of passages in her literature. Every character in that book is an idea. I love that. Everything means something. And also her use of Architecture to make her point. I like "Artsy" stuff. I love the time period she writes in too. Just Great.)
4. Gates of Fire by Steven Pressfield (Because it makes you appreciate OUR culture as you marvel and gape at the atrocious barbaric savage life of the Spartan world and still have kind of a desire to be that tough. It's such a guy book. This author spent alot of time finding as much out about the Spartans as he could. He also has a great mind. His descriptions of battle are the most realistic I have ever read. You fight that battle to the last man right alongside those Spartans. You really care for the handful of Spartan Elite that he introduces to you, and at the end you die with them. One of the most absorbing books I have ever read. Great ideas like allegiance, honor, death, courage, etc. are delved into. Wonderful drama/action/historical novel.
5. The Jungle by Upton Sinclair (the saddest most depressing book I have ever read. Sinclair's goal of converting a horrified reading public to his "for the masses" politics by striking at the commercial animal slaughter industry worked and made me a socialist for like 2 days. Crazy crazy book...just out of control. You will go a couple weeks without eating hamburger knowing that unimaginable things happen to those cows. The whole time you are shouting at Jurgis, the main character, just yelling at him to help his family out and to stop drinking. And every day he had to go to work your like, oh man what is going to happen next? Man that book was great. Just plain nasty.)
***Bonus Book(s)
The Call of the Wild and White Fang by Jack London (I love dogs. I love Buck from The Call of the Wild. I love imagining that dogs can talk to me and understand me. It is my continual dream that I can communicate with my dogs. I watch the Dog Whisperer religiously on the National Geographic Channel. I love how happy the ending in The Call of the Wild Is. It's like a dream. White Fang is cool too. Being in the mind of a savage animal is great. I love London's themes of "survial" and "strength" and man vs. wild and blood as "life". Here is naturalism/evolution played out in a book from the perspective of the evolved. Just great images. Sweet Book.)

Top 5 Movies that changed my life...and I obviously don't endorse every jot or tittle in these movies.
1. To End All Wars (this was written by Reformed Christian screenplay writer/director Brian Godawa. Amazing on the themes of sacrifice and forgiveness. You will cry. I did. Scottish POWs in a Japanese prison camp during WWI forced to build the "Railroad of Death" on next to no food. The Christian themes are very apparent without being cheesy or corny. I hate "Christian" movies in general because they are at times fake and false as they relate to life. This movie is a perfect balance of the themes of Christianity and the real world. Great Soundtrack.)
2. Road to Perdition (Some of the best acting I have ever seen. Just amazing. Irish father and mobster worker Tom Hanks has to protect his little 12 yr old son from the very people he used to trust and the people who used to protect him. Scary and Deep. The cinematography in this movie is the best I have ever seen. Great Sountrack.)
3. Se7en (chilling chilling movie with Brad Pitt and Morgan Freeman. Never has a movie made me think so hard. Amazing story and amazing characters. Best psycopath in a movie ever. I don't know if you have seen this or not, but I wont tell you who it is. Just a intricate web of things. The dark side of "Christianity" you could say, although I wasn't offended. Islam has its dark side as well, as does Mormonism, etc. A movie that makes you think and keeps you engaged the whole time. Huge climax at the end.)
4. Lock Stock and Two Smoking Barrels (British humor. This movie has such swagger and wit. I love the Cockney Slang British accents. So many characters, so much irony, so much humor. Definitely a top 5. Guy Richie directed this. If you ever watch this, and like his stop and go, grab you by the head then let go, sarcastic style check out (every guy and his brother's favorite movie) "Snatch". Snatch is gaining so much popularity right now.)
5. Brokeback Mountain (No I am not joking. No I am not gay : )Sin is Sin and we will watch it played out, unjudged, in HETEROSEXUAL SIN: "An Affair to Remember", "Cold Mountain", "Titanic"; MURDER: "The Godfather", "Goodfellas", ETC. ETC. This movie has gone for the most part unwatched by our Christian Movie Culture that chooses what sin they will endorse. Our culture is very important, and right now our culture is going towards homosexuality. This movie is not pro-gay in the sense you would think. It does depict homosexuality but in my opinion it casts it in a very negative light. I saw no attraction in their lifestyle, and it was not because they were "persecuted. It destroys their families, ruining them as husbands and fathers to their wives and children. It ruins their work. And needless to say there is no happy ending. I wont spoil it. Flawless acting, for obvious reasons. Two straight guys playing gay guys is beyond me, but they pull it off. The scenery of that movie is breath taking and the music is perfect for the movie. When people ask me here if I have seen the movie and I reply yes, they go ballistic. They think it is so disgusting, and as they should. But the next time someone mentions fornication, adultery, or murder the same disgust needs to be present. We can have no double standard. It isnt a sin to watch sin played out (minus some obvious ones), like lying, cheating, guys kissing, guy and girl emotionally cheating, or whatever. We should watch for understanding. We should not be uneducated in our culture. We need common ground on which to talk with nonbelievers. We need to be salt in their lives, not rocks in their shoes. "In the world, but not of it" still requires you to be in the world. At least know about that world even though you despise its ways or dont agree with it...)

Anyways, I have been going on for awhile and I cant imagine that you have read all this. Thanks for getting this far! Hope that lets you know a little more about me. I would love to hear your comments. They are probably a heck of alot more insightful then mine.

Sincerely,

Nathan Charles Teahan (aka Chuck)

Old to New

A beating heart of stone. A stone that beats. An anger that is rising. Rising Anger. A life that smacks of fickleness. A resolve to accomplish nothing. An internal agenda of sin. I love Your ways. I hate my ways. All to leave and follow you. A beating heart of flesh. Flesh that resonates. A new man. No anger. The pilgrim’s cross staked in the grasp of Christ, the earth of Christ. Fill up this life. A filled life has no room for technicalities. When man presupposes himself he defeats any and every purpose he has. The Word of God is the first. It is the be all and end all. “I believe in order to know.” I know because I believe. “Only when I gaze on the face of God will I know myself.” Coram Deo. I myself have nothing. God, to myself, gives everything. Amidst an array of death a pure angelic face protrudes. It is the focus of an unfocused picture. A view into the future glory. The object of attention is rarely the required object. But in this case it is. It draws and pulls. It drags. James 4:8. Wash, you dirty bastard.

This post is sporting to be vulgar. I treat this blog like a journal. It is my journal and you can comment on it.
The shit has hit the proverbial fan. I do not want to be here. I miss my church. I miss my family. I miss my friends. I miss my cigarettes. I miss my bed. I miss my city.
I went to a show last night. It was a Minus the Bear show. They are very good. I would define them as dark melodic rain music. That is beside the fricking point though. I sat outside and talked to my friend on the phone last night as I was waiting for Minus the Bear to play. It is non-beneficial to my homesickness to call my friends because it makes me want to be back with them, and I can’t do that. My bags were packed and I was going to catch a train home. “Screw this fricking college and the people in it”. That was written all over my face for 2 weeks. I called my friends consecutively every day at least once. They are my brothers and they are my friends. No one can replace them and no one ever will. I don’t know what to do.

First week of college

So, here I am sitting in my apartment on Sunday. I just finished listening to a sermon describing the coming of the Antichrist, and Jesus, and the rapture. Kill me now. I am a student at The Master's College, officially, and I am way out of my element. My second night here at college was spent getting torn apart by angry Dispensationalist dorm mates. They interrogated me about my baby-dunking (why can’t they understand that we pour the Holy Spirit, we don’t take a bath in Him, because that is just rude), my Jewish Catholic view of the OT (that we actually obey the law of God), and especially my disbelief in the rapture or all the tribulation nonsense. But regardless, everyone loves me and I love them, if I could just find a nice Paedobaptist chick I would be set. I am the only Presbyterian in the entire school. How messed up is that?
So, besides the most glaring difference between us “baby-dunkers” and them Baptists, I have had the hardest time trying to show them how the “last days” started with Christ. They cannot even comprehend that Biblical fact. And I will be honest, I don’t exactly have a Christmas list of Bible verses to toss out to “prove” my point like these Baptists do, but I have some solid Biblical concepts to defend my positions although I was very humbled when I was devoured theologically by my dorm, so so humbled. I was a forced member of Baptist “Fight Club” until 3 in the morning that night. But overall it has been a life changing experience. And the kids at this college, all 1400 of us, love each other a lot. I have been shown Christ’s love more so in the last week by the students here, then by any student at Covenant for the 13 years I attended there (I still miss Covenant so much though). With God’s use of my brothers here, I and many others have quit smoking and we don’t even miss it. There is a great multitude of countries and cultures here. 45 countries are represented at this college. I have found friends who listen to straight edge, hardcore, emo, rap, country, electronica, and dance. I have friends who can two-step and mosh like no one I have ever seen. And I have friends who can skank to Five Iron Frenzy’s Super Chuck, and make you roll on the floor laughing, just a superb bunch of guys who love the Lord and love their neighbours.
I really am enjoying myself here. Classes start tomorrow and I am so excited. Comment some arguments and Scripture I could use to defend postmillennialism if you wouldn’t mind, Josh. I think you are the only postmil who reads this. Especially give me some advice on how to talk about the rapture and the AntiChrist.
Keep checking back here for college updates. It is also very cool that the girl to guy ratio here is 55 % girls 45% guys. It’s just that they’re all so Baptist, sigh*

Good times Seattle

“They says, You’re gonna’ go ta’ Nam’ ta’ fight the enemy and librate’ them farms, but all I did was kill the innocent and watch my buddies die.”

The Pain of an Old Man

The haggard, old, bearded man sang these words as he sat on a blue milk crate and accompanied himself with his beaten up guitar, all the while imploring the hundreds of tourists for one simple dollar or splash of change with his bloodshot and watery eyes. The old man’s voice was hoarse, dry, and piercing. His throat told the tale of countless cigarettes dragged and pulled in feeble attempts to replace his horrible memories. This strange man could have been Santa Claus except for his dirty clothes and long, greasy braided hair. As this man continued to sing, his musical memoirs and solitary stature reminded me of a jukebox, a jukebox that survived wars and strife tucked away in the back of some bar. Here was a man who stood firm through the passing of time, emerging with the scars of age.
The man’s mournful croon created an atmosphere worsened by the rich ocean saltiness emitting from the multitudes of fresh caught fish. The odorous presence of death spread up and down the market where the old man sat on his crate and reminisced about old times. As I walked on I suddenly needed to escape all the noise, the noise of the market and the noise of the man. These various sounds stretched out cold, steely tentacles that groped about through the air. I ran to escape. As I ran, I turned a corner and dashed towards a patio covered in rich fiery sunlight. As I moved to face my enemy, I saw that the tentacles had vaporized. Once safe, I turned and beheld a view so spectacular, I understood how I was rescued.
The sun, rising over the white painted mountains, glistening like a burning orb, was warming and giving life to everything. Here, face-to-face, with the glory of creation and its Creator, no evil could live. This was redemption. Here was power in front of which nothing evil could stand. As I left the balcony and returned along the way I had run, the poor old man with his beaten up guitar and songs of pain were no more to be found. He was set free.

In order to reminisce

Do you ever stop to think about people long lost in a past life?
I often find myself meditating on things that were once an integral part of my existence, but now are nowhere to be found. People who dramatically altered my way of viewing the world have disappeared as if they never existed. My mind was filled with damn factual information from people who were untouched by chaos, quite contrary to myself. As I continually grew in knowledge I wandered around in need of better mentors, individuals to take me under their arm and guide me to things unseen. I found many mentors, all perfect in every way, that forcefully renewed my current sense of being. These people opened my eyes and I followed them everywhere and anywhere knowing full well that another guide was not too far off. It is a wonder that I have survived the journeys. My heart grew so attached to every new mentor, and as each mentor was replaced my heart was torn out and replaced too. These journeys have led me to places never imagined. As a little boy holding the hand of strength, desparate for guidance, I have grown into the resemblance of those god-like guides. My hands now hold the shivering, quaking hand of uncertainty. A new life depends on my unwavering path and my intricate knowledge of life's dangerous ways. But as every guide must ask himself, "Do I really know the path?", "Can I lead my followers to the destination?" No guide truly knows, all the guide must know is that he needs to lead his followers to the destination and once the destination is reached another guide will take over. Do the job right and you will not regret it.

Music

What is it about music that is so dang amazing? I mean, obviously we enjoy music because God Himself enjoys music, namely through the praises of His creation. I just can't comprehend its power. I've always wondered why it has been such a stumbling block to me, music that is. Whenever I get extremely depressed about something, I listen to a CD that has deep wailing pitifying vocals that make me cry crocodile tears. Or even music that sounds upbeat yet at the same time describing horrible events that drag me down into pits of melancholy. I listen to music that makes me want to jump out of a window, resurrect, and jump out again. And I absolutely love it! I even listen to sad music when I have nothing to be sad about, especially while I drive, and as I listen to it I sing it as loud as I can holding back the tears as best I can, just driving and singing and crying. Those times have been some of the best times of my life. These words fail at capturing the soulful death and life seeping forth from the radio speakers. As much as I love crazy-hard scream your lungs out breakdown chugga chugga bassy head splitting music, I could never replace the bands that I listen to, the bands that breathe out arms to comfort my trembling and shaking body as they reassuredly hold me, connotating feelings of "I know man, I know...". As much as I love Evans/Coltrane/Jarrett/Mingus jazz and melodic majestic symphony's and Mendelssohn Piano Concerto's and Bach's sweet beautiful Cello Suite's and soaring church choral masses, I could never trade in the songs that make me cry, make me weep in sadness. The songs that make me mourn never-had-lovers, dream about beautiful girls that told me to fuck off, and better times lost in the past, these songs are an energy source for me, a source that keeps me moving forward all the while driving me into Sheol with it. Why can't I seem to find the same comfort and joy from the Word of God? It is rife with comfort in sadness, comfort in happiness, comfort in God. Blessed is Nathan who mourns, for he will be comforted. The Bible invented comfort for the mourners, yet I don't go to it. Well, there is always something to overcome and I'll have no problem with this one. I'll go to the Doc for some Prozac as soon as I can...just kidding...